Sunsets and you.

There's a universe in me.

Moonlit beaches and a million constellations. The clouds that take funny shapes every time the wind blows past. Long walks, ice creams and conversations I wouldn't miss for the world. Impulses, mistakes, regret. Solitude, silence. Darkness, demons, pain, fear. Shades of blacks, blues and reds unknown. Wild thoughts, dusk and dawn. Holding on and letting go. Magic, fairy tales that I wish came true. Lows, highs, love, hate. Secret judgements. Kindness, gestures that have my heart. Coldplay, Beetles, Prince and some Biebs. Fire, passion, longings and fantasies. Miracles. Sunsets and you.

There's a universe in me and it belongs to you. 

-Musings of a cynic turned lover.

3 years hiatus. So much has changed. So much hasn't.

She looked up to the heavens, the stars were shining down with not a care in the world. They were more than she could count; more than she could chose from  to make a wish upon. The sand felt soft beneath her feet; soft as silk she thought. She waited.

 He came, his hair windswept. He stood at the edge where the waves kissed goodbye to the silky sand and smiled at her . He has a smile to die for she thought. She reached out to touch his face, to feel the moment when time would stand still. But like a wisp of smoke the winds carried him away; falling into the arms of the night he was gone. He wasn't hers anymore, he only came to bid one last goodbye.

She stood at the edge where he had stood before her and let the icy waves wash her down. She heard them calling out to her. Come with us they whispered in her ears, for there is nothing left for you to keep on. So she let the waves take her away; away from the desolated shore.

She was a star now; shining down on all what she left behind with not a care in the world.

“For life is about the choices we make. For life is about the journey and not the destination”.

Philosophy that an ignorant like me cannot fathom. But the gist is simple enough. When the going gets tough we all enlighten ourselves with such little titbits to make the heart happy. We appreciate ourselves for what we are and keep going. We look for adventure, we look for love, we look for riches. But very few find what they are looking for. Sometimes we look for one thing and discover something brand new; life changing even. So many choices, so little time. Right? The cynic in me wants to say ultimately we’re all just a bunch of losers chasing after the illusions that present themselves like a kaleidoscope. But the poet in me refutes this with the philosophies I mentioned earlier.

 And who do I choose? The cynic or the poet? Aah, now that certainly explains why life is a matter of choice! And for the latter, Well that’s just something I’m going to tell myself every time I don’t get what I want :D

Staying up late into the night watching out the window thinking of all of the people, places and things I love… One Republic’s ‘If I lose myself’ on replay.. And that’s where the inspiration for this blog came from..

A blur of memories both happy and sad.. That feeling of wanting to lose myself in all the goodness of life.. Lately everything’s been so…blah… Striving to rediscover life, experience it from a different angle, do some soul searching. Do the things I want to do. Be the things I want to be. Feel the things I want to feel. Lose myself to me (unlike the song where the singer wants to lose himself beside some “you”). I guess at one point we all get tired of people telling us what to think and what to feel.  

Then I realize. Outside this window is a world fast asleep, but deep inside, wishing to do the same.

  

Each of us would have, at some point in life, secretly wished for a super power. I definitely have but it kept varying from time to time due to a very strong influence of all those movies I watched. Sometimes I wanted to be a mutant like Jean Grey from the X-men, sometimes I wanted to be Wonder-woman (which I still want to) , and sometimes I wanted teleportation. But the strongest wish that held on through years is the one to fly. Fly with wings like a bird or without wings like superman I wouldn’t mind. Just the very thought of gliding across the clouds under the star-lit sky into the vastness of the horizons gives me the Goosebumps... All the places i could go to and all the nasty bus rides i could avoid and all the evil things i could do *evil grin*

 I’ve heard people say riding a bike or driving gives you a sense of freedom. A liberation from all that’s holding you back. Breaking free and choosing your path. Since I can do neither, I’m just gonna sit here for the time being an build castles in the air about all that I could do if I could fly.. 

Or maybe try some RedBull :P

Post Birthday Blues

So that’s another year closer to death like a friend of mine mentioned. Another year of experiences, mistakes and all the other related effects of everyday life that I’m going to leave behind. Missed the good old hostel days, the creative cakes and the midnight singing and, I must admit, the thrashing too. Missed what I would call an absolute Gastronomic delight at "karthik mess" (for those who don't know the place, well, it was our 5star hotel :P ). Today’s cake cutting party as well as the treat seemed like an obligation, for them to throw it as well as for me to attend it.

There are two things I’ve realized today. One is no-matter how hard you try to hold onto the past, life goes on. People move on. And you have to learn to live with it. Everything in life is a phase that will pass. Holding onto it would mean a tragic non-acceptance that leads to frustration which in turn leads to pissing off a lot of other people due to all the complaining and crankiness you show. Nobody likes to be a pillow! Nobody gives a damn either. How much can they take anyway..

The second is realizing how amazingly blessed I am. How God has been gracious enough to carry me through all the rough patches in life and walk by my side through all the good ones. I’m so blessed that complaining for what I don’t have would be a sin because there are so many right around me who would wish for half as much. Blessed beyond imagination.

I guess growing old is mandatory but i'm still waiting for enlightenment. 

Do I see some grey already ?? :O 

Man-kind??

They call us the manKIND..

Funny how that becomes one of the most inappropriate and hypocritical phrase I've heard..

We hear stories and sometimes experience little acts of kindness from a complete stranger that apparently restores faith and hope on this hopeless world..

But the bigger picture paints a mean and cruel world where mercy, sympathy and humanity is a luxury and proves what Darwin said decades ago..

Newspapers and all kinds of information devices bombard us everyday with proof so an explanation would be unnecessary.. But it becomes a habit for us to hunt for that little piece of good news which helps us appreciate ourselves a little more.. 

Man is a social animal so I guess survival of the fittest is indeed the right way to put it..

That makes man his own enemy.. Its no surprise mankind is after all not-so-kind..