Wednesday, November 6, 2024

Mira’s home stood on a cliff by the sea, gray and weather-beaten, perpetually damp from the salt and mist that crept in from the ocean. After he died, the house had fallen into a stillness that grew heavier each year, pressing down like a weight on her chest. Friends had stopped visiting, the last of them claiming there was something wrong with the place. Some hinted at bad energy, others said they felt “eyes” on them, lurking just out of sight. But Mira knew what haunted this house. She had loved him too deeply to let him go.

They had been inseparable once, bound by a love that felt almost feral, consuming them like wildfire. But death had taken him, and Mira was left with a grief so raw that it threatened to hollow her out. She clung to his memory as though it were a lifeline, filling her days with reminders — his old sweater draped over the chair, the faint scent of his cologne lingering in the air. She even kept his side of the bed untouched, a pristine monument to what she had lost. But this grief wasn’t content to sit quietly. It had taken form, lingering in the corners, slipping through her thoughts like shadows.

Then the dreams began. At first, they were faint images — a glimpse of his face, a whispered name. But as weeks went by, they grew sharper, more vivid. She would see him standing at the edge of her bed, his eyes hollow and dark, as if he were waiting for something. Each night, he came a little closer, his presence filling the air with a cold that bit into her skin. When she woke, the room would be silent, but her heart raced, as if it knew something her mind refused to admit.

On the night of the first winter storm, the house was drowned in darkness. The electricity flickered and died as thunder rolled over the cliffs, shaking the walls. Mira lit a candle and stood by the window, watching the rain lash against the glass. Her own reflection stared back, pale and haunted, but behind it — a glimmer, a faint outline, barely discernible in the dim light.

She spun around, holding her breath. In the shadows of the hallway stood a figure. He was barely more than a silhouette, yet she could feel him, his presence wrapping around her like a fog. The air grew thick and cold, each breath coming shallow and labored as her pulse hammered beneath her skin. She tried to speak, but her voice was swallowed by the silence.

“Mira…” His voice slipped through the darkness, barely more than a whisper. She shivered. It was his voice, unchanged, soft and familiar. Yet there was something wrong, something hollow, as if he were speaking from a place beyond her reach.

“What do you want?” she whispered, her voice breaking under the weight of his name. Her candle wavered, casting strange, twisting shadows along the walls. The figure moved closer, but it was not the warm presence she remembered. His eyes were empty, sunken, his mouth drawn in a mournful line. And in that gaze, she saw her own despair reflected back at her, a silent accusation for binding him to this lonely house.

She had kept him here, tethered him to a world he no longer belonged to. Her grief had become a chain, anchoring his spirit to this place, denying him the peace he deserved. She thought of the life they’d once shared, their dreams and whispered promises, now broken and abandoned like the cold rooms around her. But he remained, caught between worlds, a shadow of the man she loved, haunted by her sorrow.

As lightning split the sky outside, she felt a surge of desperation, a need to set things right. She reached out, her fingers trembling as they passed through his figure, meeting only air, cold and biting. “I’m sorry,” she whispered, her words heavy with the years of grief and guilt that had wrapped around her heart like vines. “I release you. Go.”

For a moment, he stood there, his face softened by something she thought might be relief, or perhaps gratitude. And then he faded, like mist dissipating in the morning sun, leaving her alone in the darkened hallway. The candle flame shuddered and went out, plunging her into darkness, but this time it felt different — an emptiness she had created, one that would echo through the house like the ghost of a heartbeat.

As the storm raged outside, Mira sank to her knees, feeling the full weight of her loneliness settle around her. She knew she would never truly recover, that his absence would haunt her as surely as his spirit once had. But now, in the quiet, she felt something akin to peace. She would carry him with her, not as a shadow but as a memory, one that would linger just beyond her reach, aching but beautiful. And in that silent darkness, she accepted that she would live with the loss — She would carry his memory, but now, she would do it alone.

Wednesday, September 6, 2017

Sunsets and you.



There's a universe in me.
Moonlit beaches and a million constellations. The clouds that take funny shapes every time the wind blows past. Long walks, ice creams and conversations I wouldn't miss for the world. Impulses, mistakes, regret. Solitude, silence. Darkness, demons, pain, fear. Shades of blacks, blues and reds unknown. Wild thoughts, dusk and dawn. Holding on and letting go. Magic, fairy tales that I wish came true. Lows, highs, love, hate. Secret judgements. Kindness, gestures that have my heart. Coldplay, Beetles, Prince and some Biebs. Fire, passion, longings and fantasies. Miracles. Sunsets and you.

There's a universe in me and it belongs to you. 

-Musings of a cynic turned lover.

3 years hiatus. So much has changed. So much hasn't.

Monday, June 30, 2014

She looked up to the heavens, the stars were shining down with not a care in the world. They were more than she could count; more than she could chose from  to make a wish upon. The sand felt soft beneath her feet; soft as silk she thought. She waited.

 He came, his hair windswept. He stood at the edge where the waves kissed goodbye to the silky sand and smiled at her . He has a smile to die for she thought. She reached out to touch his face, to feel the moment when time would stand still. But like a wisp of smoke the winds carried him away; falling into the arms of the night he was gone. He wasn't hers anymore, he only came to bid one last goodbye.

She stood at the edge where he had stood before her and let the icy waves wash her down. She heard them calling out to her. Come with us they whispered in her ears, for there is nothing left for you to keep on. So she let the waves take her away; away from the desolated shore.


She was a star now; shining down on all what she left behind with not a care in the world.

Sunday, February 16, 2014

“For life is about the choices we make. For life is about the journey and not the destination”.


Philosophy that an ignorant like me cannot fathom. But the gist is simple enough. When the going gets tough we all enlighten ourselves with such little titbits to make the heart happy. We appreciate ourselves for what we are and keep going. We look for adventure, we look for love, we look for riches. But very few find what they are looking for. Sometimes we look for one thing and discover something brand new; life changing even. So many choices, so little time. Right? The cynic in me wants to say ultimately we’re all just a bunch of losers chasing after the illusions that present themselves like a kaleidoscope. But the poet in me refutes this with the philosophies I mentioned earlier.
 And who do I choose? The cynic or the poet? Aah, now that certainly explains why life is a matter of choice! And for the latter, Well that’s just something I’m going to tell myself every time I don’t get what I want :D

Wednesday, April 24, 2013


Staying up late into the night watching out the window thinking of all of the people, places and things I love… One Republic’s ‘If I lose myself’ on replay.. And that’s where the inspiration for this blog came from..
A blur of memories both happy and sad.. That feeling of wanting to lose myself in all the goodness of life.. Lately everything’s been so…blah… Striving to rediscover life, experience it from a different angle, do some soul searching. Do the things I want to do. Be the things I want to be. Feel the things I want to feel. Lose myself to me (unlike the song where the singer wants to lose himself beside some “you”). I guess at one point we all get tired of people telling us what to think and what to feel.  

Then I realize. Outside this window is a world fast asleep, but deep inside, wishing to do the same.
  

Sunday, March 17, 2013


Each of us would have, at some point in life, secretly wished for a super power. I definitely have but it kept varying from time to time due to a very strong influence of all those movies I watched. Sometimes I wanted to be a mutant like Jean Grey from the X-men, sometimes I wanted to be Wonder-woman (which I still want to) , and sometimes I wanted teleportation. But the strongest wish that held on through years is the one to fly. Fly with wings like a bird or without wings like superman I wouldn’t mind. Just the very thought of gliding across the clouds under the star-lit sky into the vastness of the horizons gives me the Goosebumps... All the places i could go to and all the nasty bus rides i could avoid and all the evil things i could do *evil grin*
 I’ve heard people say riding a bike or driving gives you a sense of freedom. A liberation from all that’s holding you back. Breaking free and choosing your path. Since I can do neither, I’m just gonna sit here for the time being an build castles in the air about all that I could do if I could fly.. 
Or maybe try some RedBull :P

Saturday, March 16, 2013

Post Birthday Blues


So that’s another year closer to death like a friend of mine mentioned. Another year of experiences, mistakes and all the other related effects of everyday life that I’m going to leave behind. Missed the good old hostel days, the creative cakes and the midnight singing and, I must admit, the thrashing too. Missed what I would call an absolute Gastronomic delight at "karthik mess" (for those who don't know the place, well, it was our 5star hotel :P ). Today’s cake cutting party as well as the treat seemed like an obligation, for them to throw it as well as for me to attend it.
There are two things I’ve realized today. One is no-matter how hard you try to hold onto the past, life goes on. People move on. And you have to learn to live with it. Everything in life is a phase that will pass. Holding onto it would mean a tragic non-acceptance that leads to frustration which in turn leads to pissing off a lot of other people due to all the complaining and crankiness you show. Nobody likes to be a pillow! Nobody gives a damn either. How much can they take anyway..
The second is realizing how amazingly blessed I am. How God has been gracious enough to carry me through all the rough patches in life and walk by my side through all the good ones. I’m so blessed that complaining for what I don’t have would be a sin because there are so many right around me who would wish for half as much. Blessed beyond imagination.

I guess growing old is mandatory but i'm still waiting for enlightenment. 
Do I see some grey already ?? :O 

Thursday, February 21, 2013

Man-kind??


They call us the manKIND..
Funny how that becomes one of the most inappropriate and hypocritical phrase I've heard..
We hear stories and sometimes experience little acts of kindness from a complete stranger that apparently restores faith and hope on this hopeless world..
But the bigger picture paints a mean and cruel world where mercy, sympathy and humanity is a luxury and proves what Darwin said decades ago..
Newspapers and all kinds of information devices bombard us everyday with proof so an explanation would be unnecessary.. But it becomes a habit for us to hunt for that little piece of good news which helps us appreciate ourselves a little more.. 
Man is a social animal so I guess survival of the fittest is indeed the right way to put it..
That makes man his own enemy.. Its no surprise mankind is after all not-so-kind..

Sunday, February 17, 2013

Ironies of life :/

Have you ever noticed that when you're a pedestrian walking along and across the length and breadth of a road, those who choose to drive past you or honk at you are reckless morons without any road-sense.
Lets switch..
Now your'e at the steering wheel of a car driving past pedestrians walking along and across the length and breadth of a road; and suddenly they're all senseless idiots who can't see where they're going..

Ironic isn't it??

Saturday, February 16, 2013

That ship has sailed he said...

Well i say go ahead my friend.. But i'll miss you..
And when you look back i'll be anchored right here..
Hoping that some day your ship might want to sail back :)


Friday, February 15, 2013

Winds of change..

I think its time to grow out of Perky Thoughts and all the pun related thereby..

So presenting to you.. Infinite Thoughts.. Same blog, same thoughts.. A little evolved.. :)

www.0infinitethoughts0.blogspot.in

Love- from the eyes of a cynic...




 Over the years we've all come to know Love. There are different forms to it I agree. But I'm talking solely about the one that we have taken a day off the calender to blow up red balloons and gift red roses to acknowledge (The very day I reckon might in the near future classify to be an International holiday if you'd let - says a most cynical me! ). We've read and deciphered various definitions of it by hordes of people trying to explain this peculiar form of emotion in what they call simple terms. People write books about Love which they say define this state of mind called 'being in Love'. Some even tend to offer solutions to anybody with an aching heart. But is it really that simple? Or is it the most demanding frame of mind anybody could be in?

Some say Love is divine and magical and it demands sacrifice and patience and selfless gestures and tolerance and all the other synonyms that is known to mankind and also a lot of hurt and pain and that you only hurt when you're truly in Love. Contradicting and most interesting as it is, some say if it hurts it can't be Love.. I say that's more than enough to confuse someone like me. We all experience Love at some point in life- the familiar longing to see, hear, feel and just be involved. I had a professor of mine recently tell me that everything might look all rosy and splendid at the beginning but things aren't always what they seem to be. Though he said that on a completely different context I've come to experience that it is perfectly applicable here as well.

I've seen Love that has lasted for years I've also seen years of it falling apart on a fine day. How did that happen? Does love cease to exit? Do people run out of Love? Does Love have a past tense called 'Loved'? Is it really such a mysterious emotions or do we complicate it with all the needless drama?

Though the cynical part of me would rather jump off a cliff i have to agree that Love is beyond age and all possible human boundaries. And it is one of the strongest emotions that drives us to do the wildest imaginable things in life. It conquers and enslaves us to concede to its demands. It takes you as high as ecstasy and mercilessly lets you fall the height destroying your ability to reason.
Love hurts but it heals as well.. Love demands but it gives as well.. 

Love.. The most mysterious emotion I've ever endured..

Love.. Because beneath every cynic is a frustrated romantic..

Tuesday, January 8, 2013

The Last Prayer..


Tonight,
I leave with a broken heart, and a body that’s torn apart.
Bidding goodbye to life and all the dreams that kept me alive.
I am woman and that’s the sin I’m paying for, that’s why I have to leave,
because life has become so hard for me to live.
I’m sorry ma I couldn’t stay longer, but this pain I can take no longer.
Wishes and dreams flash before my eyes, of all that was and all that could have been.
They’re all so distant now like the far blue sky.
Memories flash by, oh what I would give to not say goodbye.
Tell my friends I’ll miss them ma, and tell them to miss me too.
Tell the world my story ma, cause nobody deserves to go like this.
And when I’m done this world will move on.
And forget me like a nightmare from the past.
I’ll be just a story in old paper stalls drowned in candy floss.
You don’t forget me ma, I want to live through you,
and see this world in light and all new.
I’ll close my eyes keeping a prayer alight
That someday I come back into this world, as a different soul maybe, I wouldn’t mind.
I wish to be born again to live all that I’m leaving behind.
But oh cruel world will you let a woman survive?

Friday, November 16, 2012



            Cause i miss you guys so terribly much... :(

Saturday, November 3, 2012

Biography of a Pen..


My pen has a mind of its own. Sometimes it re-defines the realms of  its existence and forms phrases out of words that I never imagined would someday come out of me. What fuels it I wonder? Probably the emotional spill over because that’s what I end up writing about time and again. But it sure has evolved from a phase of  compete lameness into a more sophisticated being. Sometimes it just amazes me and spins a tale of dreams just like magic. Sometimes it breaks into an endless rant-a-thon.  But there are times when it seems lost, not just during exams when it fails the essential need of its existence and causes noting but despair, but even otherwise. What is it thinking? Can it sense my frame of mind?  I doubt because it’s never as swift as my thoughts. They say a pen is mightier than the sword. Yes mine’s a warrior- Bold, fearless, manipulative.. Sometimes reckless too. Yes we struggle sometimes but it’s the only channel in me that relishes true liberty that we are said to have according to the Indian constitution. A pen can change the world they say. And I’m hoping mine will; Someday. 

Friday, October 5, 2012

Some stupid silly questions :/

When does one figure out what they want in life?
Why is it so hard to find passion in what we have?
Why is every new day so absolutely mundane?
Whatever happened to chivalry?
Where are all the familiar faces?
Whoever said time heals?!
Will the word really end in December? (I'd really like to know just incase..)


Monday, June 11, 2012

GROWING UP!


When you are in school, your parents tell you 10th boards are the hardest. They make it sound like life beyond is so much easier than struggling to go to school every day.  So when the time comes, u gather up all the stamina, put in tons of effort, toil through sleepless nights and sacrifice your favourite TV shows , score to the best of your ability and gloat with pride not knowing that you’ve just paved your own pathway to the next crucifix-10+2! 
            In the light of previous experience, u decide to take it easy this time. After all,  if 10th was so simple, what harm can a +2 do! Considering the fact that this time is peak teenage, there’s way too much fun and way too less studying. In time, results come and regret floods in (I’m talking only about cases like mine who played the fool to the best of their abilities) for all that time “wasted”! The next 3 months are the most painful, sitting at home watching every other smart one who played the fool along with you but still managed to get a neat score get into the best colleges for the best course.  If you don’t do an engineering course it becomes a prestige issue, mainly for the parents. So amidst the constant nagging from all sides, including phony sympathy from relatives far off, you wait until the portals of some institution opens just for you(after all, every corner has it’s own engineering college these days thank God!) and it’s a bliss! You take it up no matter what or where because it’s an engineering degree after all.
 Four years flyby of course giving you its own share of suffering. Some survive and we call them engineers. Those who don’t, either drop out half way or live long years writing never ending arrears. And then you ask yourself what next? Is this it? That’s when you realize, this never ends. It goes on and on... and on.. Every day is either about a wise choice you made or failed to make. You write your own destiny be it for the good or bad. You see life moving at a pace that you can’t handle sometimes because there are a billion people around you who are smarter and better. Trying to keep up easy but maintaining is hard. So be it an engineer or a doctor or a teacher or a labourer, life becomes a puzzle that just leaves you wondering out loud “Did I really have to  grow up?!”

Monday, June 4, 2012

Nothing beats the feeling of sitting at home on a Monday morning in an over-sized tee sipping some hot coffee, music in ears, watching as the heavens pour down in all its glory.. Unleashing in splendor all that it's been holding back for months now. Washing away the past and all its sins off these burnt out streets.. Nature, ecstatic; swaying to the smooth melody.

 Longing to go running into it lashing around and to let the rain wash my soul too.. To open my hands and mouth and catch a few drops.. To get drenched in pureness and fill my soul with the intoxicating aroma so pure so divine!

This feeling is so ethreal.. Yes the season's changing.. For a fresh start - a new beginning..



Thursday, May 17, 2012

Dream

A dream
So distant and far-fetched
Confusing yet confounding
An image from the distant past maybe
Or a glimpse into the future, i wouldn't know
Here just passing by
Like the starry night sky
Like judgement day
Bound to cause mayhem one day
An instant and its gone
How i wish it'd last a while long
A dream so distant and far-fetched
Nevertheless a dream....

Friday, April 13, 2012

*sigh*

They say it's life's li'l joys that makes it all worth it.. But sometimes those li'l joys just aren't enough.. You need something extravagant every once in a while - just to pat yourself and say you did well. I'm hoping that day comes soon.. A day beyond all the disappointments and failures and dejections.. A day when i feel like the king of the world.. A day wen i make my parents proud.. A day when i can stand up and face the world and just gloat in the moment..

Dear God.. If you're listening, you know i really need you to work your magic right bout now..