The Last Prayer..

Tonight,

I leave with a broken heart, and a body that’s torn apart.

Bidding goodbye to life and all the dreams that kept me alive.

I am woman and that’s the sin I’m paying for, that’s why I have to leave,

because life has become so hard for me to live.

I’m sorry ma I couldn’t stay longer, but this pain I can take no longer.

Wishes and dreams flash before my eyes, of all that was and all that could have been.

They’re all so distant now like the far blue sky.

Memories flash by, oh what I would give to not say goodbye.

Tell my friends I’ll miss them ma, and tell them to miss me too.

Tell the world my story ma, cause nobody deserves to go like this.

And when I’m done this world will move on.

And forget me like a nightmare from the past.

I’ll be just a story in old paper stalls drowned in candy floss.

You don’t forget me ma, I want to live through you,

and see this world in light and all new.

I’ll close my eyes keeping a prayer alight

That someday I come back into this world, as a different soul maybe, I wouldn’t mind.

I wish to be born again to live all that I’m leaving behind.

But oh cruel world will you let a woman survive?

            Cause i miss you guys so terribly much... :(

Biography of a Pen..

My pen has a mind of its own. Sometimes it re-defines the realms of  its existence and forms phrases out of words that I never imagined would someday come out of me. What fuels it I wonder? Probably the emotional spill over because that’s what I end up writing about time and again. But it sure has evolved from a phase of  compete lameness into a more sophisticated being. Sometimes it just amazes me and spins a tale of dreams just like magic. Sometimes it breaks into an endless rant-a-thon.  But there are times when it seems lost, not just during exams when it fails the essential need of its existence and causes noting but despair, but even otherwise. What is it thinking? Can it sense my frame of mind?  I doubt because it’s never as swift as my thoughts. They say a pen is mightier than the sword. Yes mine’s a warrior- Bold, fearless, manipulative.. Sometimes reckless too. Yes we struggle sometimes but it’s the only channel in me that relishes true liberty that we are said to have according to the Indian constitution. A pen can change the world they say. And I’m hoping mine will; Someday. 

Some stupid silly questions :/

When does one figure out what they want in life?
Why is it so hard to find passion in what we have?
Why is every new day so absolutely mundane?
Whatever happened to chivalry?
Where are all the familiar faces?
Whoever said time heals?!
Will the word really end in December? (I'd really like to know just incase..)

GROWING UP!

When you are in school, your parents tell you 10^th boards are the hardest. They make it sound like life beyond is so much easier than struggling to go to school every day.  So when the time comes, u gather up all the stamina, put in tons of effort, toil through sleepless nights and sacrifice your favourite TV shows , score to the best of your ability and gloat with pride not knowing that you’ve just paved your own pathway to the next crucifix-10+2! 

            In the light of previous experience, u decide to take it easy this time. After all,  if 10^th was so simple, what harm can a +2 do! Considering the fact that this time is peak teenage, there’s way too much fun and way too less studying. In time, results come and regret floods in (I’m talking only about cases like mine who played the fool to the best of their abilities) for all that time “wasted”! The next 3 months are the most painful, sitting at home watching every other smart one who played the fool along with you but still managed to get a neat score get into the best colleges for the best course.  If you don’t do an engineering course it becomes a prestige issue, mainly for the parents. So amidst the constant nagging from all sides, including phony sympathy from relatives far off, you wait until the portals of some institution opens just for you(after all, every corner has it’s own engineering college these days thank God!) and it’s a bliss! You take it up no matter what or where because it’s an engineering degree after all.

 Four years flyby of course giving you its own share of suffering. Some survive and we call them engineers. Those who don’t, either drop out half way or live long years writing never ending arrears. And then you ask yourself what next? Is this it? That’s when you realize, this never ends. It goes on and on... and on.. Every day is either about a wise choice you made or failed to make. You write your own destiny be it for the good or bad. You see life moving at a pace that you can’t handle sometimes because there are a billion people around you who are smarter and better. Trying to keep up easy but maintaining is hard. So be it an engineer or a doctor or a teacher or a labourer, life becomes a puzzle that just leaves you wondering out loud “Did I really have to  grow up?!”

Nothing beats the feeling of sitting at home on a Monday morning in an over-sized tee sipping some hot coffee, music in ears, watching as the heavens pour down in all its glory.. Unleashing in splendor all that it's been holding back for months now. Washing away the past and all its sins off these burnt out streets.. Nature, ecstatic; swaying to the smooth melody.

 Longing to go running into it lashing around and to let the rain wash my soul too.. To open my hands and mouth and catch a few drops.. To get drenched in pureness and fill my soul with the intoxicating aroma so pure so divine!

This feeling is so ethreal.. Yes the season's changing.. For a fresh start - a new beginning..

Dream

A dream
So distant and far-fetched
Confusing yet confounding
An image from the distant past maybe
Or a glimpse into the future, i wouldn't know
Here just passing by
Like the starry night sky
Like judgement day
Bound to cause mayhem one day
An instant and its gone
How i wish it'd last a while long
A dream so distant and far-fetched
Nevertheless a dream....